Monday, September 29, 2008

I woke up around nine-thirty, jumped in the shower and hurried to my Astrobiology: Life in the Universe class at eleven without eating breakfast. Learning about extraterrestrial life in the morning is fascinating. I believe it is my favorite class so far: a small room of about twenty people learning about astrobiology from a professor who is really passionate about the subject. It would be an interesting life to live studying the possibility of life out in space.

Its strange to think that as late as 1950s, when my own grandparents were young adults, people hadn’t launched anything into space, still believed that underneath the (acid) clouds of Venus there were jungles with possibly intelligent life, that Mars might harbor life of its own. It would be a very optimistic outlook on the universe, I would hope they enjoyed it!

There was a point when the Prof turned the discussion over to the class. "What were the three major revolutions in our understanding of our place in the universe?"

The students were baffled. There was only twenty of them! What were the chances someone would actually know something? Eventually… "The invention of the telescope!" "Well, no not exactly." "The creation of calculus to calculate the…" "No, I’m sorry, I’m talking about our understanding of our position in the universe."

I knew it. I knew it! But me? A freshman? Give them all three answers? No, that would be arrogant. I wouldn’t want to do that. But people weren’t giving the right answers! One after another, they didn’t get it! The last forty-five minutes had been wasted, they hadn’t understood. So I raised my hand, confidence bubbling from my eyes, my poise a perfect casual and cool leaning back in my seat, as if the held-back secret weapon in a think tank.

"Professor, I would say that the first major revolution would be Copernicus discovering that the universe does not revolve around the Earth, but that the Earth revolves around the Sun." Her face lit up, like opening a door to a golden radiance. Someone had understood! She had been doubting herself, her ability to teach, and suddenly it had disappeared with the revelation that a student had understood, and not just slightly, but completely.

"Fantastic! Great job. What was your name?"

"Brendon. Brendon Carpenter."

(Okay, not really, I just replied with, "Brendon.")

"Alright, anybody for the second major revolution in mankind’s understanding of our place in the universe?"

How could people not understand the question now that the perfect answer had been provided? But they didn’t! "Rocketry and observations from satellites were perhaps the…" "No." "Discovering Earth was a planet." "No!" The professor looked at me. I still had that cool poise. She knew I knew it! And I knew she wanted me to just reveal the second answer, even though that would clearly establish me as a "know-it-all". That’s not a stereotype I wanted to step into! In fact, I didn’t like a lot of "know-it-alls" (no offense to them, it just seems selfish when you declare all your knowledge just to dominate the conversation).

Fine! Fine!!! I’ll do it. Why me? But by Job I will not go down easily! I will make it look as if I’m struggling!

"I, uh, well, I’m pretty sure that the, you know, second revolution was when we… figured out that the Solar System isn’t at the center of the entire *ahem* universe. Just like Harlow Shapley theorized in 1918."

"Very good!" Looks from everyone else in the room. I was feeling it, man. The rush that drives all the whiny-voiced, front-row suck-ups that everyone mocks behind their backs. That’s why! That’s why they committed social suicide! It feels good to show that you’re better than everyone else.

So I continued. Why not? People were already either averting their embarassed gaze or nodding in reluctant recognition of my intelligence. "And then I guess the third revolution would be when scientists discovered our Galaxy was only one of billions or more out there! Just another galaxy!"

The professor was proud, I was proud, the rest of the class… well, whatever, there weren’t too many people my age. I was the rising star.

"So if anyone could imagine a fourth revolution in our understanding of our place in the universe, what would it be?"

The question was open. I darted my hand up, eagerly for another cup of the tea of intelligentsia. It was easy! Patterns: solar system, galaxy, galaxy clusters… the next one in the order of magnitude would be -

"Maybe the revolution of realizing our Universe is not the only one out there."

And then they laughed at me. Everyone laughed at me. The professor quickly turned away. She smiled as one would at an idiot who had made another careless mistake in a series of embarassing screw-ups, "Well, I don’t want to go that far out, no." How could someone think that big?! That’s ridiculous. Everyone in the class actually, literally, laughed at me before the class continued.

I sunk into my chair. Blast! Foiled again! Thanks for getting me nowhere, logic and pattern-recognition! … And don’t think you’re not responsible either Morgan Freeman!

- Brendon Elliott Carpenter

P.S. The answer to the question was "The discovery that we are not the only sentient species in the universe." Which segued into First Contact scenarios. Bah. That is a cooler answer. By the way, I just focused on writing an essay for the rest of the day (which went well, I’ll have you know). Good night!